Before he disappeared, Ian had a word with Will

Associated Press

As many of you are aware, Hello Ninja has recently parted ways with guitarist Ian Sears.  Mostly, it’s because he grew tired of the groupies and strippers, though the separation can also be attributed to his need to concentrate more on himself.

“I DRIVE like, TEN HOURS back and forth to practice, EVERY DAY, AND I work 75 hours a week serving bullshit to ASSHOLES!!!!  IAAANNN!!! I MISS YOUUUU!!!!” screamed Cat, the whiner.

“What Cat means, is, we all give a lot, and sometimes, that means we forget to pursue other interests that are important to us,” explained drummer Anthony Geehan, acting as a restraint for the hysterical singer.  Guitarist Will Deeks eyed the scene warily, sipping his Vitamin Water and munching on an Odwalla bar.

“I fucking love Ian,” he said, taking a chomp of Berries GoMega.  “I want what’s best for him.  If Hello Ninja isn’t it, then fuck Hello Ninja.  You know?”

The Ninjas will continue their quest for rock ‘n roll domination in the absence of their beloved guitarist.  Plans for recording a new gold-certified hit single are in the works with Mr. Jack Ludden (“It’s LONDON!!!” trilled Geehan, lunging at the dictophone), and the group is currently organizing their summer tour. “Any time he wants to play with us, he is welcome,” says Hello Ninja solemnly, in three-part harmony. “I would like to thank all my friends and family for supporting me during my time in Hello Ninja. Recently, I played my last show with the band on January 13 at TT the Bears Place due to some differences and I need to take some time to work on a few other projects in life. I am sorry that this is sudden notice to some, but there will be a time again when you will see me performing with Hello Ninja, or a future project. I have not completely ruled out working with my greatest friends, but for now I must bow out of the band and again say thank you. Thank you for these past few years which have meant more to me than anything you can ever imagine. Until we meet again.” -Ian Sears

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