DISCOVERY OF “SECRET” HELLO NINJA RECORDINGS IN BASEMENT OF PINEWOOD STUDIOS

(l-r) Cat Basile

Associated Press

BROOKLINE, MA – An excavation team working tirelessly through the night unearthed what are believed to be three recordings by rock heroes Hello Ninja in the early hours of Monday, March 16.

“Evidence that the Ninjas had completed sessions in Pinewood Studios was clear – fossilized fragments of bread from Clearflour Bakery, for example, were all over the site. We found dozens, literally dozens, of Starbucks cups, some of which are believed to have contained Clover pressings,” says team leader Jan Smith excitedly. Emboldened by the discovery of Will Deek’s long-lost car keys in a bush near the studio window, the team moved forward into the basement around 7:30 PM on Sunday March 15.

“BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!” a crow screeched as they descended rope ladders through stale basement air. After hours of searching every corner of the Pinewood underworld, the team nearly called it quits.

“We were re-grouping to figure out our next move. Jan was so devastated, he had been certain that we were going to find new recordings. He had invested all of his grant money into this site – morale was really low,” says optical-data specialist Frank Marshall. “Fortunately, at precisely the moment we were about to leave, my lantern caught a glint of something just outside our circle, and we moved to check it out.”

The team uncovered three compact discs in quick succession. “We didn’t want to get our hopes up, because CDs like this are fairly common in recording studio excavations. However, these three bore crude markings on them, that, using a simple substitution code, read “HN – Masters”. That got us REALLY excited,” says rune-specialist Ida Monroe.

Forensic inspection of the compact discs reveals that they contain data readable only by a machine equipped with a laser beam.

“You see, we won’t really know what we’ve found until we get back to the lab. We’ll focus a laser beam in such a manner that it passes through the polycarbonate layer [of the CD], reflects off the aluminum layer and hits an opto-electronic device that detects changes in light,” explains Marshall. “Then, we’ll run the sequence through a computer drive to interpret the changes in reflectivity, which should allow us to read the bits that make up the bytes.”

Data recorvery from the compact discs is expected to take several weeks. However, sources close to Hello Ninja believe that the “new jams” will be released before the end of the month.

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