Will Deeks

Associated Press

ALLSTON, MA – New recordings by indie darlings Hello Ninja sent the music community into a whirlwind of contraversy on Monday, as it has quickly become clear that the tracks are impossible to perform live as a three-piece band.  Speculation into possible methods of performance have lead to a flurry of rumors and slander.

“I heard that Cat, Will and Anthony went on a retreat in the mountains, where they learned to charm woodland animals into playing instruments and sing in chorus,” says Matt DeMello of Stalemate.  “Last time I saw Cat, she was practicing this creepy whistle-type thing…I think that has something to do with it.”

The two new tracks, “Back of My Mind” and “Highway Blues” were recorded in absolute secrecy at Pinewood Studios with the esteemed Mr. Jack Ludden.

“The label wanted us to try a new direction.  We thought, who knows pop better than Jack Ludden?  We took him on board as a full collaborator.  He basically became the fourth Ninja.  He poured his glossy heart and soul all over this record, and you can really hear it sparkle,” says drummer Anthony Geehan.

Multiple attempts to interview indie credster Kate Flavin yielded but one quote.  “If you like Pinewood Derby,” she said, taking a drag from her Camel Light, “You will most likely enjoy the new Ninja recordings.  I don’t know how they plan on performing it live.  And, quite frankly, I’d rather go to a Drug Rug show.”

“The band has not hired new musicians, nor have they bought one-man-band suits.  Hello Ninja will adapt the songs from the studio versions in their live performances,” explained a Hello Ninja representative.

“The new songs will be released together on a double A-side single entitled The Shute Henns. They will be available for purchase at our shows and on iTunes,” said bassist Cat Basile.  Hipster heartthrob Will Deeks was unavailable to comment at press time.

“EFF THE SHUTE-HENNS!” screamed Beat Surrender‘s guitarist Stephen Bailey.  “I WRITE GOLD RECORDS IN MY SLEEP! I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!”  His outburst, among others, exemplifies the depth of emotional trauma caused by the lush sonic landscape of the new singles.

“When we began this project, our goal was to create the most beautiful music possible.  I think we have succeeded in that goal.  I think it challenges the listener to broaden their perception of Hello Ninja as musicians and songwriters,” said producer/engineer Jack Ludden.

‘Highway Blues’
written by Will Deeks, arrangement by Will Deeks and Jack Ludden
produced, mixed, mastered by Jack Ludden
performed by Cat Basile, Will Deeks and Jack Ludden

‘Back of My Mind’
written and arranged by Will Deeks and Jack Ludden
produced, mixed and mastered by Jack Ludden
performed by Cat Basile, Will Deeks and Jack Ludden

available for purchase at all Hello Ninja live performances
soon to be released on iTunes and other internet retail outlets

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